Christmas show

Here's the video of Caroline singing with her class. She's in the middle row, third from the right. I know it's a little dark, but this is the best I could do with video setting on my old point and shoot. I need to send Santa a letter to see if he'll bring me a flip camera this year.

A little respect

Now that Camille is a little over three months old, I figured it was way past time for the blog to recognize that our family is one with "three sisters' and not just two. So, I finally had Danielle make the formal change of our blog header to give her a little respect.

In other news, Jeff and I joined Caroline at school for lunch yesterday. Her class did a little mini-performance of a couple of Christmas songs before we ate, and it was absolutely precious. They did a great job and we both really enjoyed staying for lunch getting to spend time in her world at school and talking to some of her friends. I've got some pictorial and video evidence of the event that I'll do my best to get uploaded at some point later today.

A different view

I pulled out the exersaucer today for Camille and apparently, she loved it! She was well cushioned by a couple of blankets wrapped around her skinny little body, but I think it must have been a nice change of pace for her. She tends to do a lot of laying on her back or laying on my shoulder, so the whole "sitting upright" position was a new world.

And importantly, I was able to get a few shots of her little smile. Where she is actually in the picture this time. Thanks for your patience.

Three years, part 2

And three years ago today, I delivered a baby boy who wouldn't ever open his eyes to this world. So many thoughts and feelings, but so few words do them justice.

These pictures of a beautiful relief sculpture that my mom gave me say more than my fumbling mind can produce.

Grace and peace.

Three years, part 1

On this day three years ago Jeff and I walked in to my doctor's office a 20 week ultrasound, hoping to see some images of our growing baby and maybe even find out whether we were having a boy or girl. All of the hope and anticipation that we walked in with were crushed in that dark room when the ultrasound tech laid her hand gently on my arm and looked at me with pain in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I can't find a heartbeat." Though the rest of the conversation is a blur today, I recall vividly walking back into the waiting room of the office, with tear-filled eyes and thinking for the first of many times, "how can all of these women sit out here looking at magazines as if life is normal?" That thought was the beginning an indescribable alteration in me. As I wrote about then, my life, beliefs, and faith were put out on the lawn and I was in the midst of a slow and tedious process of deciding what to take back inside. Even still, I find myself using that day as a point of reference when I hear others' pain. And joy.

I can't imagine what life would be like had December 3, 2007 gone differently. In ways good and bad, that day changed me and our family to the core. As Rachel said so beautifully yesterday, "grief has you carving out paths you never would have taken otherwise." This loss has brought me more compassion, a hope for the future, a true realization of how little control I have, a faith I feel like I truly own, and a profound appreciation for life, particularly my own children. And though I wouldn't have had the foresight to choose the paths I've been on, I am thankful for them.

Getting in the Spirit

I love Christmas music and we've been listening to it at our house and in my car since Thanksgiving Day. I got an email yesterday with a link to this compilation of some classic Christmas Carols by Indelible Grace. You can buy the digital version and download it right away, or you can order the CD. There are some really beautiful versions of some of my favorite carols.

A Birthday Breakfast

On Monday, we began Charlotte's birthday celebration by waking her up to the birthday song. Not the best sound at 6:50AM. Or to be totally frank, the time of day doesn't matter when it comes to me and singing. It's never nice.

After we pulled the groggy birthday girl out of bed, she opened her cards and a present and then we serenaded her again in her high chair with a blueberry muffin. It was a good way to start a joyful day.