Stuff my three year old says

On Tuesday my ride home with Charlotte and Camille after work was either hysterical or completely unnerving.  Maybe both.  Charlotte talked literally non-stop.  And what she said was sometimes completely contradictory to what she had said only the sentence before.  It took my weight in patience not to laugh or cry.

Charlotte:  Where are we going?

Me:  We're going home, Charlotte.

Charlotte:  But I don't want to go home!

Me:  Well, we're going to the pool this afternoon after we get home; don't you want to go to the pool?

Charlotte:  But not home, right?

Me:  Um. Well, yes, we have to go get your bathing suit on and pick up Caroline for swim team practice.

Charlotte:  But I don't want to go home!

Me:  Okay, Charlotte, I've heard you.

Charlotte:  I am not a fast runner, you know.  I am not a good runner.

Me:  Why do you say that?

Charlotte:  Because when I play with Nicholas I get too tired.  I'm not going to play with Nicholas anymore.  I didn't play with Nicholas today.  I played with Kate Kate and . . . .Kate Kate and . . . .Kate Kate and . . . Kate Kate and . . ..Kate Kate and . . . I can't remember.

Me:  Oh, that's good.  What did y'all play?

Charlotte:  Kate Kate and . . .Kate Kate and . . . Kate Kate and Noella!

Me:  Oh, good, you remembered.  What did y'all play?

Charlotte:  Me have a boo-boo.  Right here (points to wrist).  Oww!  Owww!  OWWWWWW!  Oh this hurts!

fake crying

Me:  I'm sorry you're hurt, what happened?

Charlotte:  I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Me:  Charlotte, stop yelling.  


silence

Charlotte:  When are we going to be home!!!  I'm ready to be home!  I don't want to be in this car anymore!

Me:  Okay, well we're almost home.  Do you want to listen to some music?

Charlotte:  Yes.  Taylor Swift.  The first one.

music turns on

Charlotte:  Turn this up, please.  I can't hear it.


music turns up

Charlotte:  Thank you.  Now Mama, [unintelligible because she is speaking quietly and the music is loud].

Me:  Charlotte, speak up please or I have to turn the music off, I can't hear you very well.

Charlotte:  Turn this mugik off!  I don't want any musgik!

Me:  Charlotte, stop talking to me like that.  You have to ask me nicely.

Charlotte:  And I. DON'T. WANT. TO. GO. HOME.  Wait, did I miss the horses?  I want to go back and see the horses!  Hey!  Look, there are the cows!  Hey cows!  Hey cows!  What are you doing cows?  Eating your dinner?  Bye cows, bye cows!


silence for about 30 seconds


Charlotte:  Hey Camille, do you want to go home?


no response.

Charlotte:  Hey Camille!  Hey Camille!!


no response

Me:  Charlotte, she's listening to you, just talk to her.

Charlotte:  No.  She is not being nice to me.  She is not saying, "Yes, Charlotte."  That hurts my feelings.  This is all hurting my feelings.  And my wrist hurts!


Crying

Me:  Okay, well you need to be nice to Camille too.  She doesn't' like being yelled at and neither do you.  We're almost home.  Let's see if we can get home without y'all having a breakdown.  We'll be home in about two minutes.

Charlotte:  Home!  I want a snack at home!  Can I have fruit snacks at home?

Me:  Sure, you can have some fruit snacks at home.

Charlotte:  Oh, Mama!  I love you Mama.  You are the best Mama.  I love you so much.

Me:  I love you too Charlotte.