For your Friday: What I'm reading

On my Kindle:

Don't Call it a Comeback: The Old Faith for a New Day - a collection of essays on evangelical faith.  I may not agree with all that each contributor has to say, but it has been a great eye-opening

and Les Miserables (gotta get ready for the movie)

In an actual, paper book:  

Mended - a great devotional-style book to work through at whatever pace is right for you

On the web:

I love the Bible by Rachel Held Evans.  Refreshingly honest.

Sandpaper People by Robin Dance.  This:  "A rock will remain a regular ol’ rock unless and until it’s rubbed the right way.  Different grinds of grit produce different results and all are necessary to produce a polished stone.  Change doesn’t happen overnight; it comes in due time.  Like rocks tumbled or rough wood sanded, a person changes over time when external forces rub them the right way."  Hard.  Truth.

Crazy People in the South - Designing Women.  I love this show.  I got caught up in the Designing Women channel cycle on You Tube when someone pointed me to this one.

Excursion - Bik Bik and Ro Ro.  A precious stop motion video.

First World Problems are Real Problems - Shaun Groves.  If we are connected on Twitter or Facebook, you probably saw me link to this, but I had to mention it again.  I really love it.  It gives a great perspective on perspective.

Chained to the Father Metaphor - Amber Haines.  This line got me, "I see now that idolatry even of a good father can twist the truth so that all chances of pleasing him are squashed. Idols lie."

Cute British Kid Sits Under His Sister's Sage Teaching - via 22 Words.  Cute and funny.

Lately by Amelia.  Beautiful pictures and more beautiful words (as always).

"I just want to be on stage!"

When she was about four, Caroline came to my office one time and lamented that her dream was "just to be on stage!"  My co-workers still laugh about the gusto with which she expressed that four year old desire.  Thanks to her school, Caroline has realized that dream a few times now over her school years since kindergarten.

And today she continued reaching that dream when she had a mini-performance at school today.  The kids were fabulous.  I can't say enough how much I admire the teachers at Caroline's school for all they do.  The kids love to perform and they direct that love and focus it into some really incredible talent.  They sing, they dance, they act and they all look like they truly enjoy it.

The second grade performance today was "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" and Caroline was in a group of sheep performing circus-like tricks with the boy (yes, it was a spin on the old story).  As always, Caroline ate it up.  She loves being on stage, singing, dancing, performing in just about any way.  Seeing her face light up is so satisfying for Jeff and for me as her parents.  There is truly nothing like seeing your child immersed in something they love.  I pray each of my girls finds something that brings them joy the way that performing brings 7 year old Caroline joy.

Here are a few pics of my little circus sheep:

in the mending (part 2)

I hope it's not a bad thing that I'm continually linking to, quoting, or making reference to a host of writers and bloggers.  If nothing else, it makes me feel slightly less odd to know that someone else's words are giving voice to something I'm feeling.

In this case, several months ago Emily Freeman wrote:  "Several years and several moves later, I had learned the fine art of becoming who everyone wanted me to be in order to be accepted. Not in the I’ll-jump-off-a-bridge-too kind of way, more in a I-don’t-rock-the-boat kind of a way. I watched people, learned what got on their nerves, learned what people liked and didn’t like. I wasn’t doing this on purpose. I just really wanted to have a lot of friends. I wanted to be seen as fun. I didn’t want to miss out on anything. Shy didn't seem okay."

Now, I don't think I'm shy - introverted, yes, but shy, no.  But the part of her story that speaks of molding yourself into what you think others want you to be . . . . Yes, that.   That resonates with me. And maybe with most of us?

Forgive my amateur psychologist analogy here, but it's almost Pavlovian.  When we get a good response, a reward, a pat on the back because we fall in line or make only little waves and don't rock the boat, we habituate to that behavior.  Is it innate to the human condition or is it my constitution that is more prone to that?

From taking the first appointment offered at a doctor's office even if it's not convenient for me - and how ridiculous is that when I type it out - to "just doing it myself", those are my grown up versions of getting a reward, no matter how small.  Don't disappoint.  Make it work.  Do the right thing.

When we ruffle feathers or cause disturbance or somehow, someway stand out from the crowd, we don't get the same affirming response.  I admire those who even at a young age do not let others' expectations of who they "should be" and what they "should do" snuff out the light that was born in them.  And there is an extreme on the opposite end of the spectrum from where I normally stand - there are those that intentionally create chaos, or draw the spotlight to themselves.  The ones I admire most are those are simply honest about who they are, their likes and dislikes, their passions, hopes, dreams, understandings, capabilities, and desires.  Again, some people are born with it - and if I might wax prophetic, I believe my Charlotte is one of those.  And I love her light.

That's the place I long to rest:  knowing my Source, my Light, my Strength, my Hope.  Not striving, not arranging; resting in the Way, the Truth, the Light in the way it was placed in me.

This is my much-belated follow up to a writing prompt from Angie Smith celebrating the release of her book, Mended.

For your Friday: What I'm reading and watching

What I'm reading:

I recently finished reading What Happened to Sophie Walker and I really, really liked it. I'm actually re-reading it because I liked it so much.

Dear Me: a letter to your teenage self, a series from Emily P. Freeman is great.  I have read through a several of these and they've all been so personal, so true, great eye-opening reminders to me as a mother.  And a former teenager.

I'm also reading Mended and No Other gods.  I need a new fiction book to add to the mix.  Anyone?


"You have to make mistakes to find out who you aren't. You take the action, and the insight follows: You don't think your way into becoming yourself." Yes. 


What I'm watching:

 Drives Grandmas!  This is a great light-hearted look at politics for your start to the weekend.


 I talked to Jeff about this last night. The prevalence of the problem of bullying is so painful to me. I do not recall anything close to bullying at my high school - and maybe I'm wrong and it was there and I was just oblivious, but I remember some mild teasing in middle school and elementary school. None of it seemed to rise to the level of the stories that are increasingly common lately. It breaks my heart and I pray my girls are never on either end of this terrible trend.  It is apparent to me that we all need to be hyper-vigilant about teaching our kids that your words matter and they can speak life into someone or speak hurt into them.

 

Emanuel

"This is Emanuel.  He lives in South America." 

And so began my introduction to Compassion International as a 6th grader sitting in Sunday School, meeting a child that our class would sponsor.  Our task was to bring in a little money each week so that over the month we could collectively accumulate the $30 or so it would take to continue to sponsor this little boy.  It made a 12 year old girl in Baton Rouge feel like she was part of something bigger.  Something important.  

We've all seen the commercials on TV.  Pictures of starving children, foraging for food in a landfill, barely clothed, the American announcer appealing to our emotion and common sense.  "All it takes is ", and you fill in the blank.  A dollar a day, Two dollars a day.  I've heard more than my share of cynicism about these programs.  "That money doesn't really go to the kids they show on TV, you know that right?"  "The CEO's of those 'charities' are getting a fat paycheck and the children are getting the crumbs of what you send."  The tenor of all of the cynical commentary is the same; we don't know where the money is going and so you're not really helping the ones you think you're helping.  

I hate to admit that I don't really remember what happened to Emanuel.  I moved on to other Sunday School teachers, and honestly, I left Emanuel in that old classroom.  In college I volunteered with the youth program at church and to my surprise, Compassion was still around.  I'm not sure if it should have surprised me, like I said, I still saw all of the commercials about children starving in third world countries, but seeing the organization that started it all for me was inspiring and made me think.  

It would be years before I actually committed to sponsor a child through Compassion.  Was it the cynicism, the selfishness, or the laziness that kept me from it earlier?  Probably all of the above and more.  But even at the age of 12 when sponsoring a child on my own was no where near the realm of my imagination, my interest was piqued.   Even before Compassion got my money, they had a bit of my heart.  

So, what I'm asking you do to today is venture a bit of your heart and click on over here to Compassion's sponsorship page.  And pray.  Not necessarily that God will lead YOU to sponsor one of them - but that would be wonderful - pray for them by name, for their families, teachers, pastors, friends.  You may not be in a place where sponsoring one of these children is possible or a desire of yours right now - and there's no judgment here in that - but perhaps you could pray that someone else who is in the right place financially and spiritually would click on that page too.  

Grace & peace.

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PS:  if you're interested in defeating a little of that cynicism about organizations like Compassion, here's their information on how they spend the donated funds.  

in the mending

"I loved to run.

But more than that, I loved people’s reaction when I won.

And over the years, the Lord has taught me (Over and over. And then some more) that I need to stop running for the crowd. The applause is one thing, but truthfully, it’s not what pushes me. It’s the fear of disappointing anyone that haunts me. The feeling that I’m not enough, or that I’ve failed someone. It’s a miserable way to approach the race, let me tell you." 

As I read those words earlier this week, they struck me hard.  They could have been my own words.  Not the running part of course -- I don't know that anyone has ever cheered me on for my running prowess -- but doing something for the reaction it brought in others?  Yes. Ma'am.  That's a big part of my story and I'm only recently realizing how big a part it has been.  People-pleasing, finding your worth in achievement, placing your value in others' acceptance or approval is great, when you're great.  When you're not great, however, it is -- as Angie says-- miserable.  

It's all very American of me, though isn't it?  Very modern feminist (not the angry bra-burning variety, but the intelligent and capable club of 20 and 30 something women, daughters of the bra-burners) of me, right?  

While those are true, it's also part of the genetic make-up of who I am.  Passed on to me much like my red hair, fair skin, and baby-birthing hips, or my strong-willed nature, love of laughter, and disdain for slow-walkers.  You can't see the do-it-myself gene in my mom just by looking at her, but as sure as I sit here, she got it honestly from her own mother.  

The problem is that the do-it-myself, try harder, getting it done gene is actually evidence of mistrust and conceit.  I don't say those things to disparage my mom or grandmother; some things are really a product of necessity of the fallen world in which we live.  When you step back from it and ask the "why" and search for an earnest answer, it's unavoidable - for me at least.  

The do-it-myself gene is exhibit A in the case that I do much of what I do for approval and recognition and acceptance. The thinking goes something like this:  If I do it, I'll do it right, and then people will know I did it - not anyone else.  I don't want anyone else to screw this up.  

All of this works nicely when you are able to live under the illusion that you are in control and the world in working your favor.  Misery and self-hated ensue when that illusion comes crashing down in a heap.  

And now to the point, where is the mending?  How has God been working on me in this area?  He's brought the oh-so-basic and yet so much bigger than my mind can comprehend Truth of Grace  

Grace says that neither my failures - nor my successes -- define me, my Savior defines me.  

Grace says that I am not good enough, but He is.

Grace says that I don't have to try harder, He's accomplished all that matters.

Grace says that I don't have to keep up appearances, He's promised that I will not be accepted by the world if I choose to follow Him.  

Grace says that I do not have to strive to find hope in myself or in this world, but I can rest in the Extravagant Truth that Christ in me is the Hope of Glory.  

And so the story is too long already - and not long enough.  

To be continued . . .

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This post is written in celebration of my friend Angie Smith's book Mended releasing.  I've only just started to read it; and it will be one I have to read through slowly and often. :-)  I already highly recommend it though and it can be purchased here or here.

Back in the Saddle

Forgive the little break.  I'm not sure how ten weeks have passed without me updating all 13 of you on what the Beck girls have been up to!

In short, we spent time at the pool and swam, swam, and swam some more.

The girls and I went to Nashville where we enjoyed some of my favorite people in this world.

We went to the beach. and laughed, ate, swam, played in sand, and mopped up every moment of being with my family.

We enjoyed the perks of summer - watching movies on weeknights, celebrating Independence Day with our own little fireworks tradition, having Caroline in day camps and living up the no-homework nights while they lasted.

We sent Caroline off to second grade. SECOND GRADE!!  How is this possible?  I loved second grade and I'm praying Caroline has great memories from this year too.

We celebrated Caroline's seventh birthday.  This girl exudes joy, doesn't she?

We celebrated Camille's second birthday.  I could seriously snuggle this baby little girl all day.

We celebrated Camille's baptism.

And the video won't upload - stay tuned.  

So, here's the getting back in the saddle again.