enough

A good friend posted a link to this article on facebook last night.  Juggling work and family inevitably brings to me all of the emotions she uses in the title for this piece:  guilt, anxiety, exhaustion, and guilt.  There It rang so true for how I feel so much of the time.

Guilt about work.

Guilt about family.

Anxiety about whether I've neglected something at work.

Anxiety about giving my kids enough of myself.

Exhaustion from it all.

And then throw in a little more guilt for good measure.

The sentiment that is the undercurrent of it all for me is that I never feel like I'm quite enough for any of it.  I'm not as good of a lawyer as the next person who can devote more time and energy to practicing law; I'm not as good of a mom as my friends who stay home; I don't have enough patience; I don't give my job enough of my attention.  You get the idea.  When you're pulled in a dozen different directions, everyone just gets a piece of you.  And more often than not, it's not enough.

And while these thoughts might make it seem like I am wallowing in the doldrums of life - rest assured that I'm not.  I value my blessings more than I can say.  Each moment is a gift and I am well aware of that fact.  I love Jeff and my girls and cherish all of our time together.  I am so thankful for a good job with good people who are very understanding of all that my life requires of me.  I thank God daily for where He has me.  But all of that doesn't erase the feelings that lurk in quiet --and sometimes very loud -- moments.