Words

"I write about God because I love Him deeply. And yet because I love Him, I’m afraid to write about Him."

When I read that I stopped in my tracks.  Stopped breathing for a moment even.  Yes.  Those are the words I've been searching for. 

I do a lot of writing here about my children and my family and what I read, but I do most of my writing about God in my head and in the little black moleskin in the chair in the early morning in the living room. I've thought and thought about why those words don't flow freely.   From there to here.  And Shaun's words nailed it. 

I don't want to misrepresent Him.  I don't want your experience with me, past, present, or future to tint or shade the your vision of God.  My failings and woundings and sins are no reflection of who He is; and the part of me that thinks too much and too long and worries too much fears that if I write the wrong thing - or the right thing - that my voice will not represent Him well.  And yet, He uses us - me even? - to be hands and feet and smiles and shoulders to those around us. 

Yesterday a woman came into my office to have some papers notarized.  She was filing for divorce, taking the first step to getting out of an abusive marriage.  We went through the motions, reading, signing, explaining, signing, stamping, sealing.  When I handed her papers back to her, I said, "That's all you need, these are ready to filed", you would have thought I told her I was handing her a million dollars.  She wept and hugged me and said "Thank you, thank you!  Thank you Jesus." 

I'll probably never see her again, but God allowed me to be a small part in what I hope is a path to her freedom. It was a reminder that a small word, a small deed, a signature, a phone call, an email, can be one thread in the tapestry that God is weaving in another life.  And this day, this day of Last Suppers and feet washing brings to mind the One who came to serve and calls me to do the same.  Even if I'm afraid that I'll get it wrong.